Don’t we all wish we had kids that got along and even were there for each other? Recently my friend told me that you cannot make siblings get along. She described the fights and quarrels her kids get into and how sad she is that her kids don’t get along. She is afraid that their adult relationship will not be positive.
Yes, all siblings fight – sometimes. All people who truly love and have a spark of passion get into arguments with others. That is ok. But I do think we as parents can model strong relationships and teach our children how to have one another’s back. They will be there all throughout each other’s lives while other people come and go.
Let’s look at 3 keys and some tips to foster stronger sibling relationships in your children.
1. Help Them Find Common Ground
Identify Shared Interests
Encourage siblings to explore their interests and hobbies together. Whether it’s a shared love for a particular sport, a favorite TV show, cooking together or a mutual interest in art or music, finding common interests can provide a foundation for bonding. Encourage siblings to spend time doing those activities they enjoy.
When my daughters were in middle school I would treat them to coffee outings. I would drop them off and pick them up later so they had some time feeling more grown up and had private time together. As they grew into teens and young adults they did it on their own. Today they are each other’s biggest supporters and confidants.
Acknowledge Effort & Celebrate Achievements
Acknowledge and celebrate the efforts and progress of each sibling, regardless of the outcome. On test days we make a fun breakfast encouraging them to recognize and appreciate their hard work, determination, and perseverance no matter the outcome of the test. My kids send each other encouragement texts or sometimes make cards of encouragement when something big is on the horizon. We cheer each other on and celebrate milestones together. Whether it’s getting a good grade on a test, scoring a goal in a sports game, or mastering a new skill, we acknowledge and celebrate each other’s successes.
2. Help Them See the Positives in Each Other
Encourage Genuine Compliments
Demonstrate appreciation for each sibling’s strengths and qualities without comparing them to each other. This is the key! Comparison encourages jealousy and depression. Show genuine admiration and respect for their achievements, talents, and character traits. When siblings see you valuing and celebrating their positive attributes, they’re more likely to do the same for each other.
Encourage siblings to give each other genuine compliments and to focus on specific qualities, actions, or behaviors they admire in each other. Whether it’s praising a sibling’s kindness, creativity, or sense of humor, genuine compliments can help siblings see the positives in each other and strengthen their bond.
Acknowledge Effort & Celebrate Achievements
Acknowledge and celebrate the efforts and progress of each sibling, regardless of the outcome. On test days we make a fun breakfast encouraging them to recognize and appreciate their hard work, determination, and perseverance no matter the outcome of the test. My kids send each other encouragement texts or sometimes make cards of encouragement when something big is on the horizon. We cheer each other on and celebrate milestones together. Whether it’s getting a good grade on a test, scoring a goal in a sports game, or mastering a new skill, we acknowledge and celebrate each other’s successes.
3. Celebrate Differences and Uniqueness
Emphasize the importance of celebrating each sibling’s uniqueness and individuality. Encourage them to embrace and celebrate the differences that make each of them special. From academic achievements to acts of kindness or creative abilities, you can highlight each other’s strengths. Encourage them to explore each other’s unique perspectives, experiences, and talents. We often ask each other for advice on something that they may have encountered before. For example, when my middle child was going to try out for a sport, she asked the older child what they were looking for and what skills she should focus on.
Encourage Empathy and Understanding
Foster empathy and understanding between siblings by encouraging them to consider things from each other’s perspective. When siblings understand and empathize with each other’s experiences, they’re more likely to appreciate and value each other’s positive qualities.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
As parents we can demonstrate how to appreciate each other’s positive traits, see each other’s uniqueness and support one another through thick and thin. Your actions speak louder than words and can have a profound impact on how siblings interact with each other.