What is the secret on how to raise children who can get through life’s difficulties?
Resilience. Resilience is the ability to bounce back after challenges and tough times. As a parent you can nurture and model this.
Why We Need It
Childhood is the most crucial time of our lives regarding brain development. The way we were treated in childhood matters and can affect us the rest of our lives. Every single happening or relationship we live through is stored in our subconscious. The teens who hang out at my house often complain about their parents. I just tell them that they can someday be the parents they wanted in their life to their own kids. We can choose to keep some of the practices of our parents, or develop our own but it is in our own reach to do the right thing.
Relational
In my own journey through motherhood, I have tried many approaches in hopes of finding the right recipe to raise a resilient child. As moms, we think we have to go it alone but we don’t. Seeking wisdom from others strengthens our parenting. God, immediate family, extended family, neighbors, friends, the church, pastors, counselors, teachers, coaches, and anyone else in between wiling to be an encouragement to your child matters. Social support is so valuable to our self-esteem, resilience, and motivation. Human existence is relational for a reason…we were never meant to do life alone. Feeling supported makes a world of difference.
Unconditional Love (Faith)
Love will take your children further than anything else in life. Its effects are immeasurable. During the formative years while a child’s brain is developing, bonding and attachment are crucial. Love, connection, and affirmation help the brain to develop healthy pathways for healthy relationships. Children need unconditional love because they are learning. Many mistakes children make are due to the natural effect of childhood ignorance. They need to feel accepted regardless of their achievements. They also need to know that they are loved no matter what choices they make.
Christian Love
The bible emphasizes love. When Jesus laid is life down for us because of our sins, He created the perfect pathway to an unconditional loving relational existence. I’m convinced, that asking our children, “What would Jesus do?”, rather than, “What would Jesus think!” is an example of how to love. One word differentiates developing Christ-like character between nonexistent condemnation and works for love. This will be a huge factor in the way our children take (or leave) their faith into adulthood. It will also be a huge determinant in establishing resilience for life. “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
-1 Corinthians 13:13 If you are going to fault in parenting, fault in loving too much.
Help Them Find “Their Thing”.
When a child feels accomplished in doing something they enjoy it builds them up and gives them purpose. It also helps them find their village and sheds light on their identity. This could be a sport, an art, a musical instrument, etc. God gifts us all differently…what a blessing it is to see his masterpieces at work.
I’ll never forget the change that occurred when my daughter found “her thing”. She literally tried every club and sport and never really loved any of it. I finally asked her to get an after-school job. Her confidence soared, her mood lifted, she came out of her shell and made many friends and continues to do so. I strongly encourage any parent to help their child navigate what they would enjoy and feel good at doing.
The Family Meal
Research supports that if we have just one meal together a day as a family (it doesn’t matter which meal or if every family member is there), we build resilience in our children.
The Gift of Laughter
“She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.” -Proverbs 31:25
If you can teach your children to look for the humor in life, that light will follow them through life’s valleys and seriously dark places. Laughter is a free means of an escape into candid mindfulness. It reminds us that things won’t stay bad forever. Am I saying to laugh when we are in the pit? Absolutely. Laughter has followed me into the hospital, with friends at their low point and with people who have lost someone. It’s not the crazy kind of laughter you might be scratching your head about.., it’s the laughter that says, we have no other place to go than up so we might as well laugh our way out of here…