In The Tribe

We all want to belong. I often feel misunderstood, undervalued and disconnected. In fact, I was part of a mom’s game group for many years and never quite felt like I belonged. They met outside the group and I was never invited. They all had sons, I have daughters. They were always kind and fun but it often felt weird because our stories and observations about parenting often did not mesh. I ended up leaving the group after getting too busy driving my kids to all their activities. Looking back, I think I was disconnecting myself from them because of my own insecurities.

The pandemic has reminded us that, at our core, we all crave connection. In fact, without connection, we see an increase in things such as depression, anxiety and a myriad of health issues. It’s no surprise, then, that when people feel connected to others and that they belong, the results can be powerful.

Belonging When Not Expected

I went to the most unique wedding last weekend. My friend asked me to make the cake and cupcakes. I am no professional but she needed the help. Thankfully my niece offered to help and she is good at this! I have never felt such a part of something without even trying. First, my sister and niece supported me by staying at my house and helping me make the cake and cupcakes. My husband and kids went with me to the wedding where they do not know one single person. And the bride gave me a bracelet that said in the tribe and had their wedding date on it. Wow, I was part of that tribe! The people were all musicians, artists, dancers, and creatives. I am a bit creative but not on that level. They included me and loved me for that 5-hour span. No politics, no drama, no guilt. It felt great!

Belonging

Belongingness is the human emotional need to be an accepted member of a group. Whether it is family, friends, co-workers, a religion, or something else, some people tend to have an ‘inherent’ desire to belong and be an important part of something greater than themselves. Wikipedia

Fitting In

Google says Fitting in is all about being confident in yourself and being kind to everyone.

How to Belong

Here are some ideas to help you feel like you belong no matter the situation.

Try to make eye contact and smile when you see people. If someone needs a hand with something, help them out. If you like their sweater or their taste in music, let them know! Your feelings of “not fitting in” may be coming from a place of self-judgment. For example, if you think you are “weird” or “strange,” you may always feel like you don’t fit in. Give yourself a break and know most people are socially awkward these post covid days.

Being connected is about partnering, trust, and connectedness. One good way to find this is to volunteer for something that you believe in. As a stay-at-home mom, I volunteered several hours per week at the grade school. Later I lead a girl scout group with 4 other moms. It was a way to find purpose and belonging. We had a common goal and had fun doing it.

Another idea is to learn to read people by being observant. Know what makes someone unique and special. Keep the focus of attention on them, not you.

Your Place in the Tribe

I hope you too can find places to fit in and be in the tribe. If you put yourself out there, volunteer, join groups and meet others you will find people you can connect with.