The Ups and Downs of Life
Life is full of highs and lows, and disappointment is one wave we all must learn to ride. For moms, it often feels more personal. We don’t just feel our own emotions—we carry our children’s heartbreak too. And when they hurt, we hurt even more deeply.
A Real Moment of Heartbreak
I’ll never forget when my daughter tried out for the competitive team and didn’t make it. Her best friend did, and at first, it was just sadness. But soon, that sadness turned into distance. Her friend slowly drifted toward new teammates, leaving my daughter behind. Watching her navigate that loss—both of a dream and a friendship—broke my heart.
Moments like these test us. We want to protect our children from every disappointment, but in reality, one of the best gifts we can give them is the ability to walk through it—with support, grace, and resilience.
How to Help Your Child (and Yourself) Through Disappointment
Here are a few compassionate strategies to help both you and your child build emotional strength when life doesn’t go as planned:
1. Acknowledge the Emotions
Disappointment stings. Whether it’s sadness, anger, jealousy, or embarrassment—name it. Encourage your child (and yourself) to sit with those emotions without shame. It’s okay to be upset. Emotions don’t make us weak; they make us human.
“Feelings are visitors. Let them come and go—but don’t let them unpack and stay.”
2. Practice Gentle Self-Compassion
When we face a setback, our inner critic can get loud. But this is a time to speak kindly to yourself. Remind your child (and yourself) that not making the team, missing out on a friendship, or failing at something does not mean they aren’t capable or worthy.
Use gentle affirmations like:
“I did my best, and that’s enough.”
“This hurts now, but I’m learning and growing.”
3. Check the Expectations
Disappointment often springs from unmet expectations. Ask yourself: Were my hopes realistic? Was I placing too much pressure on one outcome?
This doesn’t mean dreams are bad—but learning to hold our goals with open hands helps us stay flexible. Teach your kids that success can look different than what they imagined—and that’s okay.
4. Lean on Others
You don’t have to go through it alone. Talk to a friend, your spouse, or a trusted mentor. Let your child see that it’s healthy to process emotions out loud. When we normalize conversations around disappointment, we take away its power to isolate us.
“Shared sorrow is halved sorrow.”
5. Shift Your Focus to What’s Next
It’s easy to get stuck in what didn’t happen. Instead, gently shift your attention toward what can happen now. Is there another opportunity ahead? A skill to improve? A new passion to explore?
Encourage your child to set a small goal—something that keeps them moving forward, no matter how slowly. Progress heals.
6. Build Resilience in Everyday Life
Resilience isn’t something we’re born with—it’s something we grow. Help your child build emotional strength by modeling healthy coping habits:
Go for a walk or get moving
Keep a journal together
Try a new hobby
Take a break when needed
Celebrate small victories
Each of these tools becomes part of their emotional toolkit—ready for the next wave life brings.
The Beauty of the Journey
Disappointment is never easy, but it doesn’t have to break us. When we allow ourselves to feel, reflect, and grow, we discover strength we didn’t know we had.
As moms, we don’t have to fix everything. Sometimes, the most powerful thing we can do is walk beside our children, listen with love, and remind them: This isn’t the end—it’s a step in your story.
“It’s not the disappointments that define you, but how you rise afterward.”
So let the waves come. Let them roll in and out. And know that with faith, grace, and resilience, you and your child will always rise stronger.
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Amber has a BA in Psychology and a Masters Degree in Human Resources. She spent 9 years working in youth and multi-generational ministry where Amber focused on making faith fun. Her book, The Beginner’s Guide to God, is for anyone wondering how to have a relationship with God. She is the author of the blog AuburnRaven – Balancing Faith, Family & Fun where she writes about faith, marriage, parenting, relationships, and life. Her passion is introducing people to God’s love and biblically equipping parents and teachers so children can grow in faith. Her journey, tips and lessons can be found on her blog www.AuburnRaven.com. You can connect with her on Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook.
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