In a world filled with distractions and surface-level interactions, having a deep, meaningful conversation can feel like a lost art. Whether it’s with your teenager, spouse, friend, or co-worker, making a genuine connection requires intentional effort. If you want to engage in deeper conversations that lead to stronger relationships, here are three essential tips to keep in mind.
1 – True Understanding
Too often our conversations turn into a waiting game—each person simply preparing their next response rather than truly hearing what’s being said. Instead of focusing on what you’ll say next, practice active listening. And as parents, we often think we need to give our advice. IF we listen with the goal of understanding then we create a safe space for the other person to open up.
What is active listening? Active listening has 3 main components.
Eye Contact
My mom always said that eye contact was of utmost importance in a conversation. It’s true, you can read the other person and know that they are truly listening.
Distractions
Put away distractions like your phone. I have a rule at my house, no phones at the table. Our dinner time is sacred. IT’s family time where we can connect and learn more about each other. When I am out for coffee or lunch with a friend or co-worker I hope to have the same respect. I really feel annoyed when people are constantly looking at their phones in the middle of a conversation. I don’t feel heard or respected. It’s ok to say “I am waiting for a call from the doctor, let me just check my phone real quick”. But please, don’t answer every text or call that comes in.
Non-Verbals
Non verbals are the real clue to whether you are really engaged in the conversation or not. Nod or offer small verbal acknowledgments like “I see, “That makes sense”. Encouraging prompts that have no judgment are key to allowing people to continue, especially if it is a difficult topic. This is the biggest key for teens. They want to be sure we are paying attention and not being judgemental.
2 – Ask Open-Ended Questions
If you want a deeper conversation, avoid questions that can be answered with a simple “yes” or “no,” instead, ask open-ended questions that encourage the other person to share more about their thoughts and feelings.
For example:
Instead of “Did you have a good day?”, try “What was the best part of your day?”
Instead of “Are you okay?”, ask “What’s been on your mind lately?”
These types of questions invite richer responses and signal that you genuinely care about their perspective.
3 – Be Vulnerable Yourself
Deep conversations require a level of trust, and one of the best ways to build trust is through mutual vulnerability. If you want someone to open up to you, be willing to share something personal yourself.
Admit when you’re struggling with something similar. Share a personal story that relates to their experience. Express your own emotions authentically.
When you show your own humanity, it encourages the other person to do the same, leading to a more meaningful and heartfelt exchange.
Deep Conversations Don’t Just Happen
Deep conversations require effort, patience, and a willingness to be fully present. By actively listening, asking the right questions, and being open yourself, you can cultivate stronger connections in all of your relationships. So the next time you find yourself in a conversation with your teen, spouse, friend, or co-worker, try these tips and see where they take you!
Amber has a BA in Psychology and a Masters Degree in Human Resources. She spent 9 years working in youth and multi-generational ministry where she focused on making faith fun. Her book, The Beginner’s Guide to God, will be out spring of 2025. She is the author of the blog AuburnRaven – Balancing Faith, Family & Fun. She has a passion for introducing people to God’s love and biblically equipping parents and teachers so children can grow in faith. Her journey, tips and lessons can be found on her blog www.AuburnRaven.com. You can connect with her on Pinterest, Instagram and Facebook.
