When my kids were young it was so easy to get them to talk and explain how they felt about things. I remember a time when I took my youngest out on a picnic. On our walk to the greenspace, she told me all about the little ladybug on the ground. It was a happy lady bug because her mommy liked to have picnics with her. This lady bug enjoyed the sunshine and the fun snacks that she helped her mommy make. The story went on for the entire 10-minute walk and I learned so much about my child.
But as my kids got older it became difficult to get them to open up and really talk. How was school today? Fine. What is your favorite class? Writing. One-word answers don’t let us parents into their world. I was feeling isolated from them and distant.
What I found is that if I just take time with them (quick bursts work best) and ask thought provoking questions they eventually open up. I like to take a 10-minute walk with my child or I may ask these questions on the way to or from school and activities. Sometimes, if I am lucky, I can get a child to go with me to get a coffee. They may claim to only have enough time to go to the drive through but I will take it. Any chance to connect with a teen is precious time to learn about them and inspire them in their life.
Here are 10 questions you can use to get your teen talking.
What is it about writing class that inspires you?
If you could go 100 years in the past or 100 years into the future which would you pick and why? (This is my husband’s question and it really works!)
If you could travel anywhere in the world where would you go and why?
If you had to pick 1 place to live the rest of your life without going anywhere else, where would it be and why?
Would you rather live on the moon/space station or in the ocean and why?
If you were a shoe, would you rather be a tennis shoe, hiking shoe, high heel or flip flop and why?
Where do you encounter God?
What does God look like?
What is your spirit animal and why?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
What are your true feeling about my friends? (This one was really interesting. They explained what they liked about each of my friends. It helped me realize what relationship traits are important to them.)
Get creative and have fun learning about your teen. It may seem that they do not want to talk to us, but if you ask these types of questions they are a bit less interrogating and allow for creative answers.
No matter what your season may be, remember that God is at work in your life. He is weaving a beautiful tapestry and it’s not finished, but it is in progress. Know that God is gracious and good, and that He loves you and wants what is best for your family.