As Christmas approaches I ponder the good in my life and the life stage I am in with gratitude and awe. However, several of my married friends are facing separations as their children are entering their adult lives. My heart is sad for them and I wonder how it might have been different. As I reflect back to the early days of mothering 3 things really stand out as the toughest things I dealt with — maybe you can relate.
Figuring Out Who You Are
Being a mom is all consuming. I was determined not to lose my identity. After my second child was born and had health issues I decided to quit my job to be home to focus on my family. In that time I began to lose myself. All I could see was a worn out mom who seemed to be failing at so much.
As a busy mom it is crucial to take time for yourself. I know how difficult that is but it is crucial you take 5 – 10 minutes for yourself several times per day.
Whether it’s waking up a bit earlier for some quiet time, taking a short walk alone, or indulging in a hobby (like coloring click here for a coloring page), having this time scheduled ensures it doesn’t get overlooked in the midst of a busy schedule.
You can have a spot where people know you need a break. It can be a small corner where you have a chair or pillow. This is mommy’s time out chair. No one can bother mommy when she is in time out. This can be your quiet time for 5 minutes when you need to calm down and take a step back.
We are not our jobs, we are not our kids. We are amazing, loving women who are seeking a sense of purpose. The good news, I found myself and you will too. Keep the faith and know God wants you to love yourself.
Keeping Your Marriage Meaningful and Alive
My husband is patient and put up with a lot through the years. Moms need to remember no matter how exhausted they are, they need to show respect, adoration and patience as well.
Even though it can be difficult to find time alone together, make an effort to prioritize quality time with your partner. It doesn’t have to be extravagant—simple activities like a movie night at home after the kids have gone to bed or dinner at home while kids are playing in the basement (after you fed them) can make a big difference. The key is to create moments where you can focus on each other and nurture your connection.
Share responsibilities and work together as a team. Support each other in parenting duties, household chores, and managing daily tasks. Finding ways to divide tasks fairly can alleviate stress and prevent resentment. Additionally, seek support from family, friends, or babysitters to carve out some time for yourselves as a couple. Building a support network can give you both the chance to recharge and reconnect.
Remember, it’s essential to be patient with each other and yourselves. Small gestures and consistent efforts to prioritize your relationship can make a significant impact on keeping your marriage strong while navigating the joys and challenges of parenting.
Letting Go of Your Kids
I am nearly an empty nester so this is really hitting home however, as a parent of younger kids you need to let go at times too. It is important to let your kids fail and fall so they can experience how to work through it and rise above it all.
Gradually give your children more responsibilities and autonomy as they mature. This might involve allowing them to make decisions appropriate for their age, letting them solve problems on their own, and encouraging activities that foster independence. Teaching them life skills and giving them the space to try new things and even let them fail. This builds their confidence and your trust in their abilities.
Remember, letting go doesn’t mean abandoning your role as a parent; rather, it’s about adjusting your approach as your children grow and develop into capable individuals. Each child is different, so finding the right balance between guidance and allowing them to take steps on their own is a journey that evolves over time.
Small Steps Make Great Strides
Cherish each moment and keep moving forward. There will be setbacks but you will get through this difficult time. If you keep making small steps you will look back with appreciation and awe at how you journeyed through such a time and how far you have come. You will find yourself and your kids will become independent. Best of all, you will have a loving partner by your side.